Known by the alternate title: Prince Crapspian.
Warning: Spoilers
Yesterday, I went to see Prince Caspian with some friends and I must say, it was painful to watch. The only thing that made it not a complete disaster (although it was pretty muchly a complete disaster) was that Ben Barnes, the actor who played Caspian, was fairly good-looking. But here's how bad it was: I came home and ransacked my room looking for the book version of Prince Caspian in order to read it, so my brain didn't melt. It was so bad, when I read the book, I wasn't constantly thinking of the movie like I do with Lord of the Rings sometimes. It was SO BAD, I'm trying to forget it! I'm dreading Voyage of the Dawn Treader.
The movie started out fairly accurately, following the story, etc, etc. I could have done without the groaning, screaming woman in labor right away, but all in all, the beginning wasn't so bad. Caspian ran away, hit a tree, fell down, got rescued by Trufflehunter and Nikabrik, life was good. The movie got really bad when the Pevensies arrived from England. Ouch.
First of all, Peter was this arrogant, control freak jerk who didn't believe in Aslan anymore and wanted to do everything on his own without help from anyone else. Early in the movie, he leads an army into Miraz's castle and instead of backing off when he had the chance (it wasn't going very well), he went ahead and continued, leaving behind HALF the army when they had to retreat, including about four centaurs. Peter, Peter, Peter.
Second, Trumpkin the dwarf was sarcastic, mean, and disagreeable, plus the director completely removed the part when Lucy healed his wound. In the book, Trumpkin began to believe that they were the old kings and queens of Narnia when Edmund beat him in a duel, Susan proves herself a better archer and Lucy healed him with her cordial. But in the movie, Edmund just beat him, and nothing else really happened.
Third, Susan. In the movie, the character Susan was a fiasco. I don't believe I have ever seen a director ruin a character and a character's part of a story so much, except in Chicken Little for humorous purposes. Susan in this had no qualms about killing people, for one. In the book, Susan was a kind, girly girl type of chick, who had major skills with a bow, but didn't want to use them. To quote the book, "'I wasn't shooting to kill,' Susan said timidly." TIMIDLY. One must wonder if the director ever even read the book. Oy... Also, Susan was always the one trying to be grownup, antagonizing Lucy sometimes because of this, but certainly not thrilled to be back in Narnia in the middle of a war. In the book. It...they just...Hollywood twisted her.
Fourth, there were a couple differences to the story that changed the plot a lot from the book, but weren't too terrible. Like when the water god was released, and how Nikabrik died, and the duel between Peter and Miraz.
Fifth, the sorcery scene. In the book, Nikabrik the Black Dwarf brings a hag and a werewolf to a war council, offering their services to call up the ghost of the White Witch to aid the Narnians in their battles against Miraz. Present during this scene is Peter, Edmund, Cornelius (Caspian's professor), and other members of the Narnian army. In the book, Caspian (smart kid that he is) realizes what Nikabrik is after and loudly refuses, shouting at the Dwarf. A short skirmish ensues, and the hag, werewolf, and Dwarf all end up dead. IN THE MOVIE, however, Nikabrik and his two colleagues catch Caspian alone and before the Prince realizes what's going on, they've drawn a circle, done their little spells, raised the Witch, cut his hand open, and are in the process of shoving him towards the ghost to grasp her hand with his wounded one and bring her to life entirely with his blood. The only reason this doesn't happen is because Peter and Edmund rush in and kill the hag and werewolf. Caspian isn't bitten and Nikabrik isn't killed.
What WAS good about this scene was that Edmund was the one to drive the Witch's spirit back to the grave. Though it was totally against the book, it was good.
Sixth, and absolute worst, was the thing between Caspian and Susan. This made the movie literally painful to watch. By the end of the movie (after their kiss), I was sitting in my seat, hands over eyes, quietly groaning. It was that bad. Let me expand.
At the beginning of the movie, when they were first introduced, the camera focused on Caspian's face, and then Susan's face, and they were gazing into each other's eyes like....O_O....O_O for ENTIRELY TOO LONG. The fact they were gazing at all was awful.
Then of course there's Susan siding with Caspian against all her siblings for every disagreement in the movie (oh right, I forgot to mention that Peter and Caspian hate each other in the movie, due to Peter's new attitude).
Then there's the scene when Susan and Lucy are trying to find Aslan during the final battle and Caspian was helping her up on to the horse (oh puhlease). Once she was up, they gazed into each other's eyes a bit more and he offered her horn back. And, wait for it, she said...
"Keep it. You might want to call me again."
I just about threw up right then.
Then when Susan and Lucy are out in the woods looking for Aslan and Telmarines are chasing them, Susan decides she should get off the horse and face down six armored men with crossbows on horseback, armed with only a bow. The book Susan would never do this. The book Susan wasn't even on that horse in the first place. The book Lucy wasn't even looking for Aslan then because he'd already found them! Obviously, she can't beat them all and gets knocked down and is backing up against this log staring terrifedly up at this horseman and just as he's about to kill her, CASPIAN rides in and saves the day. I just about threw up then too. What sort of king is he, riding after the girl he likes instead of leading his people into battle?
But the absolute worst was the end. Yep, she kissed him. It wasn't long, but it wasn't short. Some mushy language accompanied it, and a very long hug came right after. Oh, it was awful. Simply awful.
So take my advice. If you like the book, DO NOT GO SEE THE MOVIE. EVER.
Hollywood, a proverb comes to mind. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Prince Caspian was an amazing story, written by an extraordinary man with a great imagination. There were no love scenes in it, nor was Peter a flipping jerk. Reepicheep was loveable, but wasn't a Puss-In-Boots knock-off, and Susan was Susan, not Wonderwoman.
I guess after all that bashing, I'd better say something nice.
The character of Edmund was the most book accurate. Clearly wiser after his experience with the Witch, he follows Aslan with an abandon and saves the day several times when Peter is too caught up in himself to do so. Edmund also stars in the best scene of the movie, when he carries Peter's challenge to Miraz. So good for him.
But seriously. That was the worst attempted adaptation of a book I have ever paid my hard earned four bucks to see. Thank goodness we went to Colony Square and not Showcase KI, where it would have been eight bucks. That movie wasn't worth the four I paid. Ay yi yi.
